Last week, I went to my first ever ballet class.
Well, not first ever. I took classes when I was five, and I was absolutely terrible in the way you'd expect a fidgety, clumsy, overexcitable five-year-old to be. But this was my first class since, you know, I learned how to actually spell the word "ballet," and the fact that I went seems about as unlikely to me as saying I took my first trip to the moon.
I'm totally non-sporty, despite what my Twitter might have suggested during the height of the Olympics. I'm still super clumsy, and more shy and self-conscious than I ever was back then. But I just had a sudden feeling about it. I've had a rubbish year so far, and I suddenly felt that I wanted to shake things up by taking a ballet class.
Now I've taken a class and loved it, I could come up with more reasonable sounding reasons for going. I like that it's hard work in a totally new way for me. I like that it's a workout that doesn't leave you breathless (as an anxiety sufferer, that's never a good feeling for me). I like how it makes you feel powerful, in a quiet sort of way.
But before I went, I just had a feeling. And I've learned to trust my feelings, however random they might seem. I became a vegetarian at 10 on a feeling. I took a Japanese class on a feeling. I moved to the US for university on the feeling that it was the right thing to do. It might seem dumb, but it's like part of me knows it's right for me, and I just need to plough ahead and wait for my logical brain to catch up and figure out why.
Speaking of new things, I made a Youtube video before the class, talking about some of this stuff. I don't have a DSLR, I'm using light from the window, and god I need to get a good external mic to fix that sound, but ... it was also kind of fun. Terrifying and new, but fun. I don't really expect anyone to watch them, but if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's to just do what you want to do, create what you want to create, and not get distracted by the thoughts of others.
So I'm probably going to be adding more videos here. Recording videos, practicing ballet, and embracing that excitement and suckiness that comes with diving into something new, just because you have a feeling that it might turn out to be the perfect thing in the end.